Have you ever had that sinking feeling that everyone else knows what they’re doing and you don’t? Or maybe you’re about to do something and worry that everyone is going to realize you’re a fraud.

You’re not alone. Imposter syndrome is a phenomenon where a person feels like they don’t know what they’re doing and fears being exposed. So what’s the best way of dealing with it?

First, recognize that it’s normal and you’re not alone. Even the most successful people have experienced imposter syndrome at some point. I often remind my clients that if you’re struggling with something that has a name, then you’re clearly not alone. If it wasn’t a common occurrence, we wouldn’t have a name for it!

If you’re tired of feeling like a fraud, I've put together a definitive guide to helping you finally overcome imposter syndrome, so it never again stops you from pursuing what matters.

Validate Your Imposter Syndrome Without Agreeing

Validate Imposter Syndrome Without Agreeing

Validation is a powerful tool that can calm and interrupt an anxiety spiral caused by imposter syndrome. You don’t have to like something or agree with it in order to validate it. You’re just acknowledging that it’s there instead of ignoring or denying. Denying how you feel doesn’t make it go away, in fact it often makes it stronger.

Whenever you notice your imposter syndrome acting up, try this simple phrase: “A part of me feels like an imposter.”

Notice how you’re not agreeing with it, you’re just acknowledging it. And using the word “part” is key because it can reduce reactivity by noticing that only one part of you feels this way, not the whole of you. This allows you to zoom out a bit and see what else is there.

Is there another part of you that disagrees? A part that feels more confident? What else do you notice?

Why Validating Yourself Works

Another reason validation is so important is because it’s exactly what we all crave from others. Think about in the past when you’ve opened up about your struggles: how were you hoping the other person would respond?

I’m guessing you wanted them to tell you that they get it or offer some kind of support. You likely didn’t want them to minimize it by telling you not to worry, or it’s no big deal, or make you feel worse by shaming you or making fun.

So make sure you’re not accidentally gaslighting yourself by telling yourself you’re being ridiculous, you shouldn’t feel this way, or conversely criticizing or bullying yourself by buying into the idea that what you’re feeling is 100% true.

I recently heard this phrase and think it fits well: No one ever criticized themselves into confidence.

Practice: Name it To Tame It

Another quick way to reduce the intensity of imposter syndrome is to simply call it what it is.

Label your thoughts as “Imposter syndrome thoughts” and notice what impact these thoughts have on your feelings. Say how you’re feeling out loud to shift your brain activity from your amygdala (the brain’s smoke alarm) to your prefrontal cortex (the higher thinking part).

This can help lessen the intensity and give yourself some distance from your thoughts and feelings. Why is this helpful? Because thoughts aren’t always true, and even when they have some truth to them, they can still be unhelpful. And feelings can be very old and no longer relevant to the present.

Getting some distance creates a pause between thinking or feeling something and acting on it. This is key to stopping imposter syndrome from influencing your behavior, since it probably doesn’t help you achieve your goals.

Instructions:

The next time you notice an imposter syndrome type of thought, take a moment to say it out loud
Then say out loud: “A part of me is having imposter syndrome thoughts that are making me feel _________.”
After this kind of thought, ask yourself: “What do I want to do when I have this kind of thought? Is it helpful or unhelpful?”

And if you’re wondering what to do instead of that unhelpful behavior, read on and I'll show you a simple way to choose better behaviors.

Clarify What Matters To You

The next important step to managing your imposter syndrome is to clarify your values. And when I talk about values, I don’t mean your belief system.

Values are the qualities of behavior that make you the person you want to be. They’re not about achieving a goal, they’re about how you ideally want to behave. They can be chosen and acted on at any time.

Some examples of values are: acceptance, compassion, courage, creativity, curiosity, encouragement, flexibility, honesty, mindfulness, respect and self-respect, and responsibility.

Your imposter syndrome might steer you in the wrong direction in an attempt to avoid feeling bad about yourself. But you’ve probably noticed that acting on your imposter syndrome usually makes you feel worse.

How Values Create Better Behaviors

Your values will never steer you wrong because they are like life’s compass. They give you direction by guiding you towards what matters. Whenever you’re unsure of what to do, turn to your values for guidance on how to approach what you’re struggling with.

Here are some examples:

If your imposter syndrome stops you from speaking up, you may need to act on the values of courage, confidence, and self-respect (even if you don’t feel courageous or confident)
If it manifests as negative self-talk, try acting on compassion, patience, and mindfulness (again, even if you feel the opposite)

And remember that your values and vulnerabilities go hand in hand. Meaning, when you start acting on what matters to you, parts of you that want to protect you from feeling bad will get up in arms and may even try to self-sabotage. Acting on the values of encouragement and dependability can help you stay the course without getting thrown off balance.

Instructions:

Imagine something you’re struggling to do right now because of your imposter syndrome
Ask yourself: “What value can I act on right now to do what matters?”
Write down the specific values that represent the person you want to be, and then think about how your behavior would change if you acted on them
Commit to your value-aligned behavior and anticipate the inevitable spike of anxiety you’ll feel

Next, I’ll show you how to effectively manage the anxiety spike that comes from doing what matters to you.

Practice: Talk To Yourself Like You Would a Friend

Talk To Yourself Like a Supportive Friend

If you’re wondering how to make space for that spike of anxiety once you take action, you can’t go wrong with some self-compassion. This is a natural extension of validation, which I touched on earlier.

Self-compassion isn’t about being soft, ignoring how you’re feeling to make it go away, or letting yourself off the hook for unhelpful behavior. It’s simply treating yourself the way you treat others when they're struggling, just like being a friend to yourself.

Why Self-Compassion Works

Self-compassion works because you instinctively know it’s the best way to talk to others.

If someone you cared about felt like a fraud, I'm guessing you wouldn’t agree with them! You’d probably say something supportive and let them know you feel confident they'll figure it out. Something like, “This is really normal, everyone feels fake sometimes. I know you’re going to figure it out and do great.”

Notice how this might differ from your own self-talk. You might be so used to beating yourself up, that being kind to yourself feels foreign. Reminder that just because you’ve done something forever, doesn’t mean it’s the most helpful.

So if you’re struggling to be kind to yourself, or there’s a part of you that feels like you don’t deserve it, just say out loud what you’d say to someone else struggling with the exact same thing. You don’t have to completely buy into it, you just need to practice speaking to yourself differently to get used to it.

The more you practice, the easier and more natural it’ll become. And this also gives you a chance to keep practicing Name It to Tame It.

Get Valuable Information From Your Imposter Syndrome

If you can make space for the ickiness of imposter syndrome, without immediately buying into it or trying to make it go away, you can also gain some potentially valuable information.

You might have noticed that sometimes imposter syndrome doesn’t match reality, that it feels more like a weird, nebulous fear. Maybe you’re feeling like a fraud before giving a big presentation, but you’ve given it a bunch of times before. Or you’ve written and published articles or books, but still don’t feel like a “real” author.

Ask yourself: Are my imposter syndrome thoughts appropriate for this context (meaning, does it match what’s actually going on)?

If there is zero truth to your imposter syndrome thoughts:

Try soothing the part of you feeling like an imposter like a supportive friend. Then pick a value to act on that serves your bigger picture goals. For instance, prepping for that meeting even though you don’t want to, or sitting down to write even though you feel like your writing sucks and everyone hates it.

Try something like, “This makes sense, lots of people feel this way, but it’s not necessarily true. I’m going to act on (chosen value) by doing (value-aligned action) and I'll likely feel better afterwards.”

If there’s some truth to your imposter syndrome thoughts:

Let’s say you’ve never given this type of presentation before and there’s some validity to your thoughts. Try validating (without agreeing) that what you feel makes sense. Doing something for the first time is scary, whether you’re giving a presentation or publishing a book. This kind of vulnerable exposure is going to activate self-preservation parts to protect you from messing up and feeling bad about yourself.

Next, ask yourself: “Do my imposter syndrome thoughts illuminate any need for additional support or education to be successful?”

Maybe you need some extra practice with a co-worker or more research before giving your presentation. Maybe you need to consult with an editor or join a writing club to help you fine tune your writing. Whatever it is, think about whether your thoughts are telling you that you might need some additional support or education.

If that’s the case, then hopefully you can see how your thoughts are actually helpful (if you can make space for how icky they might feel). If you can set aside the negative feelings they bring up, they can help you take action towards your goals.

To wrap it up, remember that when you’re struggling with imposter syndrome, it’s important to treat yourself kindly, get some separation from your thoughts, and choose values that guide your behavior towards your goals.

Try picking an action item (for instance validating yourself, using part’s language, or acting on a specific value) and commit to practicing for one week. Then see what’s helpful and continue practicing the next week, and so on.

If you need additional support, I offer online telehealth sessions for Texas residents, and coaching sessions for anyone outside of Texas. Contact me for a free consultation call to answer any questions you may have, and to see if I'm a good fit for your needs.

5 Therapist-Approved Strategies to Overcome Imposter Syndrome and Build Confidence

Table of Contents